Variables in the Grieving Process

A survivor's grieving process is unique - it is theirs. There are many reasons for the differences in how individuals grieve. These reasons include:

1. AGE - Age makes a difference in our ability to understand death and dying
2. SEX - Men may grieve quite differently from women due to old stereotypical roles and rules. Men don't cry - Men/women may not know how to shop for food, do the wash, etc. - Women/men may not know how to pay the bills, do the taxes, fix the car or sink, etc.
3. LIFE EXPERIENCES - How have other losses in your life been dealt with? Is this the first death of a loved one?
4. INDIVIDUAL PERSONALITY - Coping style, adjustment - is the survivor the type of person that holds their feelings inside? Is the survivor one that will talk or holler out for all to hear? Is the survivor the type of person that works their feelings and needs to keep busy so as not to feel? Will the survivor ask for help? Will they ask questions?
5. FAMILY COMMUNICATIONS - Was it all right to talk about death and dying in the family? Will the family want the survivor to "get over it?" Does family believe in life after death?
6. CULTURAL BACKGROUND - Italian (wail, cry and lament) - German (don't show emotions in public and stoic) - Polish/Scottish (celebrated life with memories and food and friends) - Jewish (rituals of shiva, etc)
7. HEALTH - is the survivor in good physical health? Chronic pain or illness can deplete emotional energy and will make the grieving process more difficult.
8. SUPPORT SYSTEM - Does the survivor have good friends and family who will allow them to grieve in their own way? Will their church support them in their grief?
9. RESOURCES AVAILABLE - Is there a local library where the survivor can locate grief resources? Is there a support group in the survivor's community? Will the funeral director be supportive and informed?
10. RELATIONSHIP WITH THE DECEASED - Did the survivor have a good relationship with the deceased? What was the survivor's last experience with their loved one?
11. PREPAREDNESS FOR THE DEATH - Did the survivor have time to say, "I love you" or "Please forgive me" or even "Goodbye?"
12. NATURE OF THE DEATH - sudden, violent